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The Bukkake Bombing Crusade renders ridiculous Rummy's insistence that we will be careful to avoid killing civilians. The first day involves massacring thousands of non-military individuals in a city of 5 million, more than half of whom are under 15. It's also going to cost a lot of dough. Figure about a million bucks a bomb. That's a hell of a money shot.

The Bushies believe or would have us believe that this will be more of an American-style Bukkake Bombing, one in which the target likes it or acts like she does. That is, they expect the Iraqi people to welcome their American Liberators. And maybe they will, if they manage to survive and aren't too busy mourning their relatives or loss of their house, electricity, arms, legs, eyes, eardrums, etc.

The mastermind behind "Shock and Awe" is Harlan Ullman, a columnist for the Washington Times (yes, the Moonie paper), and .a Vietnam and Gulf War vet who taught at the National War College where one of his students was Colin Powell. Ullman's apocalyptic vision of an enormously destructive über-military attack, inspired by the writings of 5th century B.C. philosopher-warrior Sun Tzu (whose less directly aggressive tactics are said to have inspired Saddam) and colored by too many video war games, is described in breathless detail in his 1996 book Shock and Awe: Achieving Rapid Dominance, available for viewing on the web by militarists, terrorists, victims and war-watchers. Like most popular Internet offerings, it has a slightly pornographic style, featuring phrases about "rendering the adversary impotent."

Many consider Ullman to be a sort of Dr. Strangelove on crack, thrilled that his concept is being bandied about by the Bushies as the plan to take down that maddening Madman from Baghdad once and for all. But Ullman is not completely cracked. Like many military men, he's not sure Bush's War is such a good idea, seeing no proof of Saddam's links to Al Qaeda nor any evidence that he's got usable weapons of mass destruction. Despite the tremendous fame that the Bush and his junta have bestowed upon him, they haven't even been able to seduce Mr. Shock-and-Awe into their camp!

So, Dubya has been flexing his military Big Stick, but he hasn't been speaking softly, or consistently. His lack-luster lackeys, from the formerly dignified Powell to the always annoying Ari Fleisher, have all been loudly trumpeting the need to Bukkake-Bomb that pussy of a tyrant Saddam, while we let oil-free wallflower Kim Jong II play with his nukes by himself (in fact, the Bushies make it seem as though the best way to avoid being attacked by the U.S. is to build up a collection of nuclear weapons!).

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