We went out with our American boss the other night to a girlie bar.  Everyone likes to go there to watch the nonsense that you can see on a nightly basis.  There’s one bar in particular, L.A. Café that is always worth a laugh.  Basically the place is full of “working girls” 24 hours per day and is likewise full of their customers.  Most of the customers are foreigners looking for a pick-up girl.  The place used to be a popular billiards hang-out and it still is more or less, but now it’s much more infamous.

As I said, we go there to watch the show.  It’s always hilarious to see a man who is old enough to be my great-grandfather get stripped down to his boxer shorts by a girl in the middle of the bar and start dancing like Usher…ok maybe like Usher falling down a hill, but you get the idea.  Anyways, the girls in the bar always outnumber the guys by like 5-10 to 1.  My boss always makes some of us go with him there because he’s too scared to go alone and he buys us drinks of course when we go.  I don’t blame him, because I’ve seen what happens if he walks in first.  The girls jump up and go to him like starving mosquitoes at a nude beach in the middle of the night.  Of course they usually stop dead in their tracks when my friends and I walk in right behind him.

So we all sat down, ordered, and sat back to watch the fun begin.  My boss had been drinking for awhile when he pointed to another white guy standing by the bar.  “Look at that guy!  I swear that if he grabs another waitress I’m going to beat the crap out of him!”  I looked over and sure enough, he was grabbing every girl that walked by, trying to put his arm around them.  The foreigner looked really drunk, and obviously my boss had seen him do something really upsetting.

Sure enough, two minutes later a waitress walked by and the foreigner grabbed her.  She yelled loudly, “Stop it sir!” and pushed him away.  My boss said, “That’s it!” and stormed over to confront the guy.  He got into the guys face and started chewing him out like a drill instructor in a war movie.  My boss was about the same height as the other foreigner, but he was at least 40 lbs heavier of solid muscle.  It was clear that the other foreigner was scared out of his mind as he kept looking at the floor while my boss was grilling him.  It started to get out of control as it seemed like my boss was trying to provoke the other guy to take a swing at him.  The other man was far too afraid as he became white as a sheet and was visibly trembling.  So much for beer muscles!  My girlfriends and I walked up behind him and tapped him to draw his attention.  My boss moved us away with his free hand while point his index finger at the nose of the other foreigner.  In a German accent, you could hear the foreigner asking questions like, “who are you…immigration?” followed by “Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid,” coming from my boss.

Suddenly this huge man appeared next to me and asked me in a British accent, “Why is that guy yelling at my friend?”  He said it in a way that made it clear that he might be more afraid of what might happen than anyone there.  I told him that my boss was mad because his friend was grabbing waitresses.  “Can’t you stop him?” the man pleaded.  It was clear that he was terrified to get involved.  At that point my boss took his index finger and poked the German mans forehead.  Everyone held their breath and the German closed his eyes.  With three forceful pokes to the forehead, my boss yelled, “If I ever see you disrespecting a Filipina again, I’ll smash you like the roach that you are!!”  My boss then spun around and told us that we were all leaving.  The British guy watched us go with eyes as wide as saucers.  The German guy was still standing there looking like a train missed him by 6 inches.

When we got outside, my boss started laughing and said, “It looks like I ruined the fun of a Manila sex tour.”  We all smiled and had to admit that he was probably right.  What’s more, the big British guy probably stayed out of it because he was the sex tour operator.  Obviously if a fight broke out and the German got arrested, he’d probably blame the British guy for taking him there in the first place and operating a Manila sex tour gone wrong.  All I can say is that my boss always gets to have all the fun!

January 24, 2005